Envied by the literate everywhere, Chuck Goldstone was born in the sleepy mill town of McKeesport, Pennsylvania. His parent's original intent was to raise Chuck for spare internal organs, but their tolerance eventually grew into out and out affection, and they decided to keep him intact.

As a child, Chuck’s neighborhood friends would routiney select him to be the "designated victim" for their games and cruel tricks. His hobbies included being chased by dogs. When dogs were not accessible, Chuck would permit himself to be bitten by other children.

After graduating from high school with a diploma in "Fancy Book Learnin'" Chuck went on to college and eventually settled in Boston, where he met many women who later married men they apparently liked much better.

Today, Chuck lives in relative safety in Brookline, Massachusetts, commuting daily between his home and the far reaches of his mind. He often ponders how his life would have turned out had he been kidnapped as a child by Norwegian fishermen.